bethontheinter.net

For me, there is not a song that makes me cry. If I do, it’s because of an association that the song holds that evokes emotional memories. That said I do have a lot of songs that hold such memories. On my ipod I have a playlist entitled ‘memory songs.’ Generally if I am feeling sad and think that a bit of sob will sort things out I’ll put that on for a while.

It’s got a lot of Sarah Mclachlan, some carpenters songs, Tom McCrae, Sheryl Crow, Dixie Chicks, Damien Rice etc. I think it spans about nine hours worth of music. I tend to hit shuffle and let it run for a while. Without going into the memories that each song holds, with the exception of about 10% of the tracks each song does have a specific memory or memory of a specific time period where things were difficult in some way.

It’s unusual for the song to make me cry, but the memory can get the job done

Never let the truth stand in the way of a good story

Enough said

About 7 years ago I started at university. About two and a half months in I came home for the weekend – the first time I’d been back since I’d started.It coincided with a time when Dad was in hospital with encephalitis and blood clots on his lung. I have a feeling the blood clots came into play after I’d been but that’s irrelevant.

It was a surreal visit. Dad recognised me and knew that I hadn’t been living with them but it took a little while to establish why and where I had been for the last few months. At that point Dad asked me how I was getting on with my course. At that time I was feeling a little overwhelmed as I was struggling to filter out all of the expected work and the recommended but surplus to requirement stuff. I mentioned that I could not eat, not sleep, not leave the library except to go to lectures and still not get through everything.

At that point Dad looked at me with the most serious face I have ever seen from him and said ‘doing so would be an investment.’

I must have looked a little stunned and caught mum’s eye at which point she mouthed to me ‘just ignore him.’

That was probably the worst advice I have received, at least that I can think of. Given how scrambled Dad’s brain was at the time it shouldn’t surprise me. He maintains that he would give that same advice now, although I doubt it. Needless to say I didn’t follow his advice, and still came out with a decent degree so ignoring his advice didn’t harm my chances that much!!

• Not being in control
• Being ill
• Being tired and knowing that the next early night I can have is 4 days away
• Being lonely
• Feeling like I am being ignored or overlooked
• Wasting time
• Oversleeping
• Losing at things
• Not achieving things when I have tried really hard and couldn’t have done more
• Getting back from a run feeling like I’ve been lazy and coasted my way round
• feeling like I’m not on top of things
• seeing my friends and family upset and not being able to do anything to help
• getting ripped off money wise
• Advert breaks
• Rain and rubbish weather
• Knowing that I’ve upset someone
• Watching a whole series of a reality TV show and then it being won by someone who really didn’t deserve to
• Watching a film that’s been sent out by lovefilm only to find that the whole thing is subtitled
• Feeling like I have no money and three weeks to go until I get paid again

Bit behind on this (like 9 days) so I’m going to have a mass catch up this afternoon.

A show or a movie that has changed me. Hmm. I can’t think of one that has really changed me, a lot of shows and a lot of films have got me thinking or inspired me in some ways, but rarely do they have a lasting effect based on the fact that I don’t tend to follow through with things particularly well.

A few films have led to certain lifestyle changes…

28 days – at the time I watched that the first time (I did have a stage of watching it daily but it was in the early days of the DVD player and I only had 2 DVDS so choice was limited) I was a compulsive gum chewer, and I collected all the wrappers to make a chain in the same way that they did in the film. Bonus features are instructions on how to do it.

Mine isn’t quite up to this standard, I’ve probably only managed about 10-15 feet but it kept me busy at the time and gave me something to do that wasn’t A-level chemistry coursework!

The Bucket List inspired me to do something similar and to make the most out of life, needless to say that was as far as things ever got. I have a few ideas but nothing committed to paper as yet.

The Black Swan made me think I’d love to be a professional ballet dancer. The phrase too little too late springs to mind. Probably a decision I should have made about 18 years ago and even then I think my body shape, technique and a million other factors probably would have put an end to that. Similar situation for Stick It (gymnastics film). I would also have loved to be a professional gymnast – again not going to happen now.

All in all I think films and TV shows do have the power to change people, but I think that the people need to have the capacity, inclination and perseverance to allow changes to happen. In terms of attitudes I’m sure that they can change those too. Unfortunately none spring to mind, probably because the films I watch don’t tend to carry those sort of message. Being a disney fan the messages don’t tend to follow an attitude changing theme. I’ll look out for it if it happens.

Two things really.

Firstly, I’m not assertive enough (I think it comes from lack of confidence). It’s very rare that if someone makes me angry, annoys me or if I disagree with them that I will say something at the time. I have to know someone really well or be immensely confident about my view (which very often I’m not) to be able to argue my point.  Don’t get me wrong, I am an extremely opinionated person. But not expressing these opinions often enough and in most cases strongly enough to be heard causes problems later on, and often leaves me in an irritable mood late in the day wondering why I allowed something to happen or a conversation to have ended in the way that it did.

I don’t really know how to change this. At work things are changing slightly as I’m getting more confident in my skills and my knowledge (it’s all there and I know what I need to know, it’s just being confident in knowing that I know what I know). The other thing that I really struggle with is the fact that by nature I try to keep the peace wherever possible, and that often means holding back when a conversation gets heated to try and maintain the balance, which again leaves me not being assertive and coming across as being quite passive.

The second things is that I can be quite driven to the point of becoming obsessed. If I get an idea into my head I will follow it through come what may, and will often ignore everything else in the way that may affect a decision. it’s good in some ways because when I have a job to do I can shut out everything else and just get on with it, but it’s not necessarily a good thing. Once I’ve got an idea in my head I don’t think things through at all because I get sold on my way of thinking. I don’t know if this is something that I will be able to change for myself or just something that I need to be mindful of. Having another person on my team works well because they can do all of the thinking and consider all of the negatives and then I can keep the motivation going and make sure that things happen.

I doubt I’ll ever be able to change myself that much, some habits are too entrenched, some flaws run too deep, but on the whole I think I get by in life and I think I do ok for the most part.

I love soup. I’m quite big on crusty bread too and the two go very well together. For Christmas I got the Covent Garden soup book – 365 days of soup. (I may have bought it for myself – can’t remember, but that’s irrelevant). I’ve tried making a few but on the whole they all require extensive herbs and spices and I haven’t had a chance to build up my supplies yet (I can’t justify buying them all in one hit)

I’ve made roasted butternut squash. It was reasonable but it was quite bland (followed the recipe exactly) but I’m not one to just accept that a recipe doesn’t work without adapting it and having another try. Onion, garlic and a bit of ginger would be my first instinct. It’s on my to do list.

Mature cheddar and crispy bacon was a big hit. The only thing that I couldn’t do was get the bacon to go crispy, but I’ve never been able to do that. Other than that there was no element that I would have changed.

In terms of shop bought soups, I am a big fan of the Covent Garden range.

My favourites tend to be sweet potato, potato, squash or parsnip based but on the whole I am not fussy. I do prefer the warming type of soup rather than the fresher, Mediterranean flavours.

I recently discovered waitrose butternut squash and tarragon. That was to die for, especially with part baked baguettes or warm crusty bread.What I really liked about that one was the kick from the tarragon without it being over powering. That is one of the biggest differences about tinned soups and fresh soups. The fresh soups may cost more and have a shorter shelf life but some tinned soups do tend to have quite artificial flavours in terms of the herbs and spices that they use. You can always tell the difference between fresh and freeze dried basil, and I think that was one of my biggest criticisms of Heinz tomato and basil.

I’m not big on instant soups but they serve a purpose as an accompaniment to a lunch consisting of the last few bits out of the fridge but without having enough to make a proper meal. Again with instant soups you pay for quality and the Ainsley Harriot range are the best that I’ve come across. I am quite partial to the french onion and east Indian Mulligatawny varieties.

But when all said and done, the ultimate on a cold day is Heinz cream of tomato with grated cheese on the top.